Bob Marley

Last year I did a parody blog and re imagined what Yusuf Islams songs would sound like after he converted to Islam. Today I'l do the same with Bob Marleys stuff. If it does sound a bit weird its because I have kept the original tune. So basically you should sing this like a Rasta. Ya Man, it all be Aiiry


Buffalo Soldier

Bukhari Sharief, Hadith masta:
There was a Bukhari Sharief in the heart of Arabia,
Coming from Bukhara, brought to Medinah,
Fighting for the sunnah, fighting gainst the biddah.

I mean it, when I analyze the chain -
To me it makes a lot of sense:
How the Hadith Masta wrote the Bukhari Sharief,
Coming from Bukhara, brought to Medinah,
Fighting for the sunnah, fighting gainst the biddah.


No, Women, no Cry

No, Nikkah, no pie;
No, Nikkah, no pie;
No, Nikkah, no pie;
No, Nikkah, no pie;

Said - said - said: I remember when we used to pray
In the main hall in Orient school,
Oba - obaserving the hijabis
As they would mingle with the ghair mahrams from grade 12.4.
Good intentions we had, oh, good intentions weve lost
Along the way.
If you want to fornicate, you can forget jannah;
So no more zinnah, I seh.

Waiting in Vain

I dont wanna wait in vain for Shawal;
I dont wanna wait in vain for Shawal.
From the very first time I stood up in taraweeh
My hunger was put on hold.
But I know, now, that 29 days have gone,
But the night sky is so fine:
So get Cape Town dialling on the phone,
cause I cant see this alone.
So New moon take my heed;
I wanna know if tomorrow is Eid.
I dont wanna wait in vain for Shawal;
I dont wanna wait in vain for Shawal.

MJ

The Way I Are (MJ Style)

This post is inspired by the following Hadith

Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him, reported:
Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) said: A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may your hand be besmeared with dust (may you enjoy welfare). Sahih Muslim

Adapted from The Way I Are by Timbaland

I ain't got no beard
I ain't got no status like the Ahlul Bait
I can't even buy you attar
But together we be the perfect soulmates
Allahu Alam

--Sister Keri Hilson --
Oh
Jaan, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If you aint rich
You don’t have to give mehr fathimi
We can make a small nikah for just you and me
make dua till finance is right

-- Chorus --
Baby if you pray, you can get your way
'Cause I like someone with strong Taqwa
I'm about to pray Nafl everyday
Can you handle me with my taqwa?

I don't need GHD’s or The SUV’s
Boy I like you just with good taqwa
Let me see hijaab, or a big kitaab
'Cause I like, I like, I like...

-- Brother Timbaland --
I ain't got no Hooplang
I ain't got no Albaraka Shariah Fund
We can't go for Umrah Yearly
It don't matter 'cause i’l love you till qiyamat comes
Talk to me girl

- Sister Keri Hilson -
Oh
Jaan, it's alright now
You ain't gotta flaunt for me
If you aint rich
You don’t have to give mehr fathimi
We can make a small nikah for just you and me
make dua till finance is right

- Chorus -
Baby if you pray, you can get your way
'Cause I like someone with strong Taqwa
I'm about to pray Nafl everyday
Can you handle me with my taqwa?

I don't need GHD’s or The SUV’s
Boy I like you just with good taqwa
Let me see hijaab, or a big kitaab

'Cause I like you with that strong taqwa

MJ

Mammoo Number 5

(Adapted from Lou Begas Mambo No 5)

Bhens and Bhaabis, this is Mammoo number five.


Ek, Do, Teen, Char, Paanch, everybody look at me, and start to naach

For a Paki chow around the corner.

The boys say they want chicken tikka but I really don't wanna.

Bombay Crush like I had last week.

Make no Jit 'cause Crerars is Shit.

I like Fazeela, Jameela, Shama and Sameeha.

Sunni or Tabligh, I’l even jam a Shiaa.

So what can I say? Its really hard to choose.

I like stekkies with the big Laddoos.

Pista Burfee lips, its never enough

Come on Now, someone bang this Duff

Chorus


A little bit of Jameela, thats a Vaar,

A spicy bit of Nabeela like atchar.

A little bit of Zahra, chasing me,

A little bit of Asma’s all I see.

A little bit of Azra in Purdah,

A little bit of Nadia in my car.

A little bit of Fathima here I come,

A little bit of Mehr makes me mahram

Mammoo number five.

MJ

More Cyanide and Happiness

Uncle Iqbals interpretations of Popular Nursery Rhymes

Jack and Jill went up the Hill
to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
and Jill came tumbling after

Uncle Iqbal: Jack should a not be fetching the water. This is the job of the woman. They scooped the water and Jack did not say Bismillah. Allah punish Jack, He fall and broke his head. We make duaa that Jack get Hidayat and leave the kitchen work to the womenfolk.

Baa, baa, black sheep,
Have you any wool?
Yes sir, yes sir,
Three bags full;
One for the master,
And one for the dame,
And one for the little boy
Who lives down the lane.

Uncle Iqbal: Ok, Ok. This one poem rhyme is for the bakri Eid. Allah tells us in Quran that the sheep must be divided one three ways. For You, for youre family, and for the poor. Yes, it is most important we giving the poor. Hazrath Ibrahim he going to be cutting his son but he cutting the sheep instead. Male sheep from Jannat. Maybe one day, Insha Allah if we make duaa, that Jack boy go Jannat too.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again!

Uncle Iqbal: OK, Again with the Jack boy, same problem, same solution. This one is the job for the womenfolk. What do men know about eggs? Do we cook? Do we clean? No! Our job is to work, and the womenfolk be sorting the eggs. It was in the eggs taqdeer to fall. Alhumdulillah. We dont question Allahs will.

Cyanide and MJ - The Muslim Ones

I have taken the popular Cyandie and Happiness Comics and hava appropriated them as a social commentary on Muslims. If the text is unclear and you would like a transcript, please leave a comment

Lord of the Rings - Halaal Version

MJ Khan

Prelude

Three years into the caliphate of Sami Yusuf, the cruel Shaitaan Sauron plotted against Muslims. Muslims were growing progressively weaker after the passing of the Rightly Guided Leaders. Sauron, sensing this vulnerability of the Ummah, made a ring, and in it he poured all his malice and evil, in an attempt to ensnare all the practicing Muslims on earth. Sauron grew stronger as Muslims weakened, but finally in the great alliance of Zain Bhikha, Sauron was defeated. However, the ring of Sauron was not destroyed, and what was fact, turned to legend. And legend had turned to myth, and for one thousand years, everyone had forgotten about the ring of evil. During this time, Europe stepped out of the dark ages, and with its progresses in technology, science and hedonistic consumerism, Sauron was able to regain his strength and started searching for his ring.Unknown to Sauron, Hafez Suleiman Nafsi unearthed the ring during one of his whirling dervish exercises. Not knowing its value, he called his Sheik, Buzrook Gandalf for spiritual guidance (and hopefully some monetary remuneration – rich sufi’s are a dying breed) Hazrath Gandalf, upon seeing the ring, screamed out Naoozubillah and snatched the ring from his ignorant mureed. He had to have a Mashurah with all the different ulema bodies and Muslim NGO’s. But first, he had to stop at Hobbitton for the annual Jalsa that his friend Bilbo Baggins threw. After all, he realized that you can’t save the world on an empty stomach, and the thought of tasting Bilbo’s world famous Dholl and rice filled his heart with warmth. This is where our story begins…

HOBBITON

Hazrath Gandalf, rode his white steed Musafir, swiftly across the vast fields and paddocks of Hobbiton. It has been exactly a year since he saw his good friend Bilbo Baggins. Gandalf reflected affectionately, on their many adventures, defeating the Templars, conquering Constantinople and Spain. ‘Aah Good Memories’, thought Gandalf. Gandalf was going to be the guest of honour at Bilbo’s annual jalsa and Meelad. Even this great Honour could not suppress the burden he felt in his heart, nor could it lighten the weight he carried in his woolen pocket. ‘ Why didn’t I just go to a Daarool Uloom, instead of being self taught’, thought Gandalf. ‘That way I could have spent my time byhearting lectures by Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi instead of knowing about the significance of this cursed ring’. Not even the thought of the sweet cold Khier ( rice pudding) at Bilbo’s function, could make could brighten his spirits.The familiar yet captivating Athaan of Pippen welcomed Gandalf into Bag End. As he rode in, he saw Sam, the gardener making whudu at a rusty tap outside of Bag End. Sam, and his father have been the Baggins Gardener’s for many long years. Gandalf smiled affectionately at Sam, because even though Sam’s family were Black, the Baggin’s were good muslims who believed that everyone is equal in the eyes of Allah, ‘unlike those damn Dwarves’ thought Gandalf, ‘ acting holier than thou and calling all the other muslims Kuffar’. Gandalf sniggered to himself when he thought about the dwarves literal interpretation of the Qur’an.

‘Asalaamu Ailakum Ya Akhi’, a voice bellowed in the distance. Out waddled a stout man, not larger than five feet tall – Hobbits were well known for their diminutive nature. ‘ Wa Alaikumusalaam Buzrook’ hollered Gandalf, as the two embraced. ‘Hope the Journey went well my brother?’ asked Bilbo? Sorry for not waiting for you – I had to deal with some Jehovah’s witnesses in my backyard’. ‘No problem Hazrath’ beamed Gandalf, ‘did you ask them to show you where exactly in the bible they talk about the trinity?’ ‘Why do you think I took so long’ replied Bilbo, with a gleam in his eye. ‘I dare say you have met my nephew Frodo, Gandalf? Good boy – gets all his Salaah on time, he kept all his fasts this year as well. He protects his modesty…. Aah good boy akhi, good boy, Masha Allah’. Gandalf motioned towards the Jamaat Khana and said, let us perform our Asr, I have important news to discuss.After the Fardh Salaat, Gandalf sat with Bilbo and explained everything. Frodo entered the room and smiled. ‘Frodo my son – get Uncle Gandalf and I some bhajjias and murkhoo. Good boy Good Boy, Masha Allah’. ‘You see Bilbo Saahib’, I have to tell the other Muslims – this is big news, bigger than that Moon sighting dilemma we had three years ago, bigger than that hajj Scandal too’. ‘I remember that’, piped Bilbo, ‘those stupid dwarves insisting we had to fast thirty days because they didn’t believe the elves saw the moon. No unity, no unity’ said Bilbo, shaking his head frantically. ‘Well’, said Gandalf, ‘I intend to leave tomorrow after Fajr Insha Allah’, I still have to find Moulana Aragorn first, last I heard he was making Ziyyarut in Verulam, visiting the house of Sheik Deedat’. ‘Aah Deedat, good boy, good boy – Masha Allah’ said Bilbo. ‘ Why don’t you take Frodo and his friends’ said Bilbo. ‘Let them do some Da’wah for a change. Jihad has been ordained on them’. ‘Then it is done’ proclaimed Gandalf, Tomorrow we make haste for the fourth holiest site in Islam, after Makkah, Medinah, Al Aqsa. Tomorrow we make haste for Rivendell.

RIVENDELL – THE MASHURA OF ELROND

It seems that even though the various Ulema bodies cannot come to a consensus, regarding media and communications, they all have the latest in cellular technology, and everyone arrived in Rivendell timeously, except the dwarves, who stopped to read Zuhr but spent forty minutes trying to gauge which way was Qibla. As the name-calling began, we take our place at the entrance of the halka. Muslims of all different denominations start streaming in. The elvish Muslims from the Great woods, dwarves from Moriastaan, Sufi’s from all over Middle Earth. An entourage of men from Gondoristaan. Unfortunately it seems like no one bothered to inform the Shiaa’s. Each group huddled into little camps. The Great Woods elves started reciting some Islamic Rap, much to the dismay of the dwarves, who muttered ‘Bidaat, bidaat’ beneath their breath. A splinter group of men sat in the corner and whipped out their tasbees and started reading Zikr. It appears that they didn’t want to get involved in these affairs. The meeting commenced with the arrival of Moulana Aragorn and Moulana Elrond…

Elrond : Asaalamu alaikum to all that have come in. I know many of you have traveled great distances to join us in this Mubaruk Istima to exalt the oneness of Allah.

Boromir : Alhumdulillah

Gandalf : Actually we are here to discuss the Ring of Sauron, and to decide what to do with it. The ring is filled with fitnah- we have to destroy it

Elrond : Right Right brother Gandalf, the Istima is next weekend Insh Allah. I forgot that Easter is next weekend. Maaf

Mufti Gimli : There is no such ring, we do not believe in all this superstition and hocus pocus. I have not come across it in any of the Hadith Kitaabs, neither has it been mentioned by our great scholars of Islam

Moulana Aragorn : That is because the Ring was created after the Wisaalat of Rasoolullah. You haven’t read about it because you only read books form the Indo – Pak region Mufti

Boromir : Astaghfirulah

Mufti Gimli : And what do you know AragornSahib? You’re beard is not even the Waajib fist length! Do not pollute my ears with your shirk.

Legolas : That Dawg is wack, aint no brudda gonna get ahead. Aight. Don’t worry Aragorn – the Nation of Elves, we got your back, word up to your mazhab

Boromir : Subhanallah

Mufti Gimli : Why are you imitating the Kuffar you ignorant elves. Allah’s wrath be on you. You don’t even have a beard. WaNaaoozubillah. And pull your pants up. We can all see your underwear. Have you no modesty. And your pants are below your ankles, fold them you kaafir. And your long long hair – like women. Disgusting!

Legolas : Yo Dawg – The prophet has long hair. And speaking about women – where are all our sisters tonight. Why aren’t they here at the meeting? No Hijabbis in the hizzy?

Mufti Gimli : A women’s place is in the home

Moulana Aragorn : That isn’t true. Women were at the forefront of Islam during the prophet’s time you backward dwarf!

Mufti Gimli : Fat Lot you can say Aragorn. Running around with Elronds daughter, without Nikkah – probably fornicating. Astagfirullah – Allah’s curse on you.

Gandalf : Brothers, keep your personal issues at bay, we have to decide what to do with this ring. We have just learnt that Saruman the wise is in cahoots with Sauron

Boromir : Astaghfirullah

Mufti Gimli : Saruman! That Kuffarri Zionist. I never trusted that one.

Legolas : Does that Boromir say anything else? That crackers vocab is lacking dawg

Aragorn : Gimli, How can Saruman be a Zionist – There is no Israel in Middle Earth

Gandalf : ENOUGH!! We need to destroy this ring

Boromir : Insha Allah

Elrond : Cant we read Ayatul Kursi and blow on it or something?

Gandalf : It can only be destroyed at the place where it was made. We have to travel to Mordor, passing treacherous lands, until we reach the fiery Crack of Doom where we shall thrust it.

Legolas : Sounds Whack

Gimli : The Elf has a point. Best if we send those four Hobbits to destroy it. Allah will protect them

Gandalf : They are too young to undertake this journey- we shall accompany them, besides, if its in my taqdeer to fall into a chasm in some abandoned mine shaft, so be it. Allahu Alam

And so the Fellowship departed from Rivendell, to destroy the ring. Stay Tuned for part two

MJ

Hey There Delilah

Hey There Jameelah
Sung to the Tune of Hey There Delilah by Plain White T's

Hey there Jameelah
What's it like in Baghdad City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight I feel so shitty
Yes I do
The whole world faced its back towards you
I swear it's true
Hey there Jameelah
Don't you worry about the ordnance
and the cluster bombs are only
for your freedom I assure you
Close your eyes
the threat of WMD’s were our disguise
to capitalize
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to seeOh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oil I want to see
Hey there Jameelah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday the U.N will step right in and
We'll have it good
We'll have the safety we knew we would
Our war is good
Hey there Jameelah
I've got so much left to do
Invade Iran, Sudan and the East
To give them democracy
Liberate them all
Even more evil dictators will fall
We'd have it all
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But we’ve got tanks and armoured cars
We’d just nuke you if we had no other way
The world would all be sick of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them could stop our show
Jameelah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And we’re to blame
Hey there Jameelah
You be good and don't you diss me
Two more years and Iraq will self destruct
And We'll be making history like we do
You'll know it's all cause of GW2
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Jameelah here's to you
This one's for you
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oh it's oil I want to see
Oil I want to see
MJ

Matrix - The Halaal Version

Ive decided to keep the original names and settings, but rather change the dialogue (OK, so Trinity doesnt go with the whole Muslim feel, but hey - its a cool name so i'm keeping it). Also, I seem to be high on Cough Syrup as everything is swirling around me so not sure if any of this will make sense :P i'l just start typing and stop when I see double.
A computer screen.
We are on-line, on MIRC, on the Islam channel.
FootNSync: I heard Morpheus has been on this board.
Sexcchik786: Morpheus doesn't even exist and the Matrix is nothing but a scare tactic that parents use to frighten their kids like Mias farm
M3 ZN: Sexcchik a/s/l mwah
Sexcchik786: Get a life M3
Conspiracy Khalid: The Matrix is a euphemism for the government.
FootNsync: No, The Matrix is the system controlling our lives.
Mo Mo: You mean Shariah?
FootNsync: No, I mean Kajoor!
Digital Molvi: Kajoor Zinbabad!!!
Neo is sitting back, munching on some murkhoo and reading the whole conversation, while shaking his head. 'Chootias', he mutters as he crunches on a particularly crispy segment.
All of a sudden a message flashes up on his screen
Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Neo?
Neo is frozen when he reads his name.
If you want to know, follow the Arafat Keffiya.
Just then someone knocks on the door. Neo thinking that its SAFACT coming to raid his house for pirated software stays quiet. A second knock jilts him slightly but then he hears a familiar voice. 'Hey Akhi, open up. Its Iqbal'.
'What do you want Iqbal?' Neo asks quite bluntly
Iqbal - 'Do you have copies of the latest Sami Yusuf Akhi? We're really into the whole meditaranean thing right now. Gonna light a hubbly bubbly and chill'
Neo - 'Twenty Rands Iqbal, but remember, this is Awakening records and not some Pakistani studio so if you get caught with it, we never met'
Iqbal - dont worry Akhi, there is no copyright in Islam, this is a Jewish concept made to make Jewish companies like Microsoft rich. Why dont you join us? We just about to put the double apple and mint mix in the hookah - my personal favourite
Neo - No thanks man, maybe another time.
Neo then sees a Palestinian Keffiya wrapped around Iqbals bicep.
Iqbal sensing that Neo is staring at the scarf - Oh This. You like it? Latest fashion in Milan I hear. Allah u Akbar.
Neo joins them and they go to the Bombay to Beirut Restaurant to smoke a hookah. At the club a lady approaches him
Trinity - Asalaam u Alaikum Neo.
Neo - Wa Alaikumus salaam. How did you know my --
Trinity - I know a lot about you. I've been wanting to meet you for some time.
Neo - Who are you?
Trinity- My name is Trinity.
Neo - Jis-Laaik!
Trinity - What?
Neo I just thought... you were a guy.
Trinity - Most guys do.
Neo is a little embarrassed.
Neo Do you want to go somewhere and talk?
Trinity - no thanks. I dont walk with strange people, and you arent my mahram. Your life is in danger Neo, there is someone I want you to meet
Trinity takes Neo to see Morpheus
INT. ROOM 1313 Across the room, a dark figure stares out the tall windows veiled with decaying lace. He turns and his smile lights up the room.
Morpheus - Salaams Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus. Please Behta. Come. Sit. Aaja.
They sit across from one another in cracked, burgundy- leather chairs.
Morpheus - I imagine, right now, you must be feeling a bit like youve just read three hundred rakaats of taraweeh. A little bit disoriented and tired?
Neo -You could say that.
Morpheus - hmm. Acha. I can see it in your eyes. Lets get into it. Do you believe in taqdeer, Neo?
Neo - No.
Morpheus - Why not?
Neo - Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus - I know exactly what you mean. As children, we do not separate the supernatural from the logical. We are told to learn only that which is given to us in our Madressah Books. Our Jusdaans represent the beggining and end of our learning. But I see that you read. You read therefore you are free Neo
Neo - Free from what?
Morpheus - From the Matrix.
Neo loocks at Morpheus's eyes but only sees a reflection of himself.
MORPHEUS Do you want to know what it is, Neo?
Neo swallows and nods his head.
Morpheus - It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from Haq.
Neo - What Haq?
Morpheus That you are a slave, Neo.
Neo - No Seriously Uncle, whats the Matrix?
Morpheus - Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself.
Neo - How?
Morpheus - Hold out your hands.
Morpheus Holds two pills in his hands, a red and a blue pill.
Morpheus - This is your last chance. No going back. You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed with a massive erection that will go away four hours and life will continue. You take the red pill and it breaks the fast that you were in all this time.
Neo - The casings look like thay have bovine gelatin, are these pills even Sanha approved?
Morpheus - Its a matrix, A MATRIX! Just say bismillah and pop one in your mouth, I dont have all day to explain this to you. I havent read Esha yet. Remember that all I am offering is the truth. Nothing more.
Neo opens his mouth and swallows the red pill.
We then see the sequence where Neo's body is released from the pod and he awakens to see Morpheus
Morpheus - Welcome, to the Dunya. We are aboard my ship, the Musafir. It is small, and cramped, but very homely. We are on our way to Zion, the last outpost for free men.
Neo - Why do you call it Zion?
Morpheus - There used to be some Natives carried over from the previous Matrix who used to live there but we occupied the land with our superior weaponry, hence Zion
Neo - Makes sense to me.
Morpheus - Before we do anything, we have to train you. Tank, load up the Jihad training.
Neo spends the afternoon learning wrestling, archery, stone throwing as well as how to fire an AK 47.
Morpheus - Now that you are prepared, we have to see the Oracle. She will guide you
They go to see the Oracle
Neo is seen in a waiting room of some sort, surrounded by kids who have either cancer or have just returned from Umrah. He sees a little boy bending a spoon, and is fascinated by this so he leans a little closer
Spoon boy - Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
Neo - What truth?
Spoon boy - There is no spoon.
Neo - There is no spoon?
Spoon boy - Then you'll see, that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.
Neo - Yeah, but its sunnat to eat with your fingers so I dont see why you think youre so special following the West. Astagfirullah
Neo is then led to the Oracle, who is in the kitchen busy preparing for Iftar
A Woman is huddled beside the fryer, peering inside through the starining device.
The smell of freshly fried mince samoosas colour the air
Oracle - Smell good dont they
Oracle - I'd ask you to sit down, but, you're not going to anyway. Yar Hamakullah
Neo - Huh, why'd you say th.. [Neo then has a violent sneeze] Aachoo!
Oracle- Thats why.
Neo - How did you know?
Oracle - Ohh, what's really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have sneezed if if I hadn't said anything?
MJ

Concerning Iqbal

I was researching the Vernon Koekemoer phenomenon last night, and I realised that it will be cool if we had our own Muslim Chuck Norris. So I created a character named Uncle Iqbal and modelled him initially around Leon Schusters 'Abdullah Rasbanja' from the Oh Schucks series. I played around with this idea last year when I took the piss out off myself with the MJ Facts, but for Uncle Iqbal I want it to be Muslim related stuff. I posted a few on my chatbox, and Legend, Great one and Archtype contributed so I decided to blog it here.

Now - Most importantly - If you are going to come up with an Uncle Iqbal joke, make sure that it is not blasphemous. So dont say stuff like Iqbal reads eight rakaats fardh in fajr or Iqbal is the Mehdi or anything like that. And dont make it offensive to other religions

Heres a few of the best
1. Iqbal appeared on Channel Islam once. Worldspace sales went up by six hundred percent that week
2. Iqbal wasnt involved in 9/11 because Iqbal never crashes
3. Iqbal occupies Israel!
4. Iqbals mum invented the samoosa when she taught Iqbal geometry
5. Iqbal translated once in an Ijtima.. As a result Pakistan became 100% Muslim state
6. After he met Iqbal the emperor was only known as Akbar
7. The tunes from Iqbals naaths are converted into Bollywood tracks
8. Iqbal squared Zam..
9. Iqbal pelts all 3 shaytaans with one stone at hajj
10. Iqbal was denied Visa for entering America, even though he was only travelling to Laudium
11. Iqbal beat up Chuck Norris because his beard wasnt Fist Length
12. Eid is not celebrated unless Iqbal has seen the moon
13. All of Zain Bhikhas songs are written by Iqbal. In his sleep
14. Iqbal only stands for salaatus salaam when he is in the mood, but when he does, you better get your ass up!
15. Iqbal has used the same miswaak since 1964. Incidentally, his teeth are always white even after he eats paan
16. Umshini wam was actually first sung for Iqbal when he singlehandedly defeated the soviets in Afghanistan
17. Iqbal is so rich, he gives Bill Gates Zakaat
18. Iqbal figured out the Da Vinci code by just looking at the cover. He still thinks that Dan Brown is a Jaahil
19. Iqbal ate two baddam - now he remembers everything from birth
20. Iqbal doesnt need a mussallah compass - he always knows which direction to face qiblah
21. Iqbal can eat fish curry for iftaar and still not smell funny during taraweeh
22. Iqbal doesnt drink Sarbat. Milk is immediately sweetened upon touching his lips
23. Jummah had to be moved to Ellis Park stadium because Iqbal was giving the Khutba
24. Iqbal gave Isha azaan once.. The Aussies woke up for fajr
25. Iqbal went to madrassah once.. It got turned into a Darul Uloom
26. People started giving out Jalebi at Khatams because Iqbal has a sweet tooth
27. Gandhi adopted Satyagraha cos he didnt want to fight with Iqbal
28. Iqbal slaughters a bull for Qurbani ... himself
29. Iqbal has met joebanker from mxit in person...and organised sharia compliant finance for him.
30. The smileys on Iqbals mxit wear parda.
31. The other I in CII is for Iqbal
32. People give Kruger coins for Mehr. Iqbal gives Kruger Notes
33. Sanha certifies robertson spices. Iqbal certifies Sanha!
34. Iqbal is a messy eater. Last time he ran his fingers though his beard gift of the givers had enough rice for the burmese people
35. Iqbal gets haj visa. Every year
36. Iqbal AUTHORISES hajj visas
37. Iqbal sweats rosewater
38. Iqbal taught Maths to the Arabs
39. Iqbals wife gave mehr for him
40. Mathew Webb was the first man to swim across the English channel. Iqbal was the first man to spit paan across it.